Make Believe
by buttercupbella
Summary: "The days pass by like quicksand. Tsubasa grows tired of leaving flowers which eventually wilt, but he spends his remaining rabbits for the person he desires to see with crimson eyes wide open. There's no difference, though - Natsume is still lying there, half-alive yet half-gone." One-shot.


**Note: **Dedicated to **Black Maya **and **Team Fourplay **for constructing the wonderful slash ship.

**Characters: **Natsume Hyuuga, Tsubasa Andou

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**Make Believe**

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_how many lies did you tell today?_

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To put it simply, it is cold - as cold as a morgue - inside the hospital room.

Tsubasa Andou sets a bouquet of forget me nots on the bedside table. His fingers visibly shake, probably due to the numbing temperature but mostly because of the difficulty of offering flowers to someone who isn't guaranteed to wake up.

(And Natsume laughs secretly, because Tsubasa has never looked so weak before.)

The sixteen year old visitor wastes no time in sitting by the bed and cradling fragile, immobile fingers in his palm. He muses over the half-dead boy in front of him for a minute.

"Everyone's worried about you, Natsume," Tsubasa says.

"Especially me."

(Natsume stifles another chuckle. The shadow Alice has always been too sentimental to even think over his words, after all.)

But Tsubasa can't hear any sound except the steady beat of the heart monitor and his own raging pulse. He couldn't see anything but Natsume Hyuuga breathing, clinging to the loose threads of the life he still has.

That's alright for him. As long as he's still here-

"Everything's going to be okay, Natsume."

("Hn.")

The days pass by like quicksand. Tsubasa grows tired of leaving flowers which eventually wilt, but he spends his remaining rabbits for the person he desires to see with crimson eyes wide open. There's no difference, though - Natsume is still lying there, half-alive yet half-gone.

"You're going to be better. I know it. You're going to be fine. Tomorrow, the days, months, years after."

"You're going to get past the age of 80-"

("Fuck that.")

"And I will make sure that I will see you by my side."

(Natsume releases his scornful breath for the billionth time, and he positions himself on the edge of the bed. Inch by inch, his crimson eyes travel over Tsubasa's features, noting the dark marks above his cheeks, his raven hair, his cheeky grin.)

(There is an odd man out - a bruise on the side of his lips. Natsume remembers making those lips swell one month ago.)

(A month ago.)

(Bruises like that don't last for four weeks.)

Tsubasa withdraws his hand and rubs the bags under his eyes. Before he leaves, he pats the pile of the combination of blooming and wilted forget me nots on the bedside table. "Do you know what forget me nots mean, Natsume?"

("I'd be damned if I didn't.")

He smiles, and it only takes a blind man to not see that a tear streaks its way to his chin.

"True love. And that I'll always remember you."

"I hope it's the same for you."

("How many lies did you tell today, Andou?")

(Tsubasa, as far as Natsume knows - _knew - _is a terrible liar. The moment he tries to sputter a falsehood, he chokes on his own breaths and his palms perspire regardless of the intensity of heat or cold. That is why Tsubasa never attempts to deceive Natsume - and Natsume reassures himself that he trusts the big idiot more than he relies on anyone else.)

(When Tsubasa promises Natsume that he will never change, the latter believes him.)

(When Tsubasa speaks of security and solace in the midst of missions and wars, Natsume doesn't question him.)

(When Tsubasa blatantly professes his attraction towards the flamecaster, Natsume plays the statement in his mind over and over again and tells himself, _yes, this is real._)

(When Tsubasa mutters the exact three words nowadays, Natsume can't help but think,_ no, he isn't real._)

(Rather, _Tsubasa Andou isn't as real as he used to be._)

The next morning, Tsubasa brings a companion. The girl is not so foreign to Natsume, with her cotton candy pink mane and tough exterior.

"Hello, Natsume. It's me, Misaki."

("Of course it's you. Get the hell out of here.")

Tsubasa guides Misaki to the chair and kneels before her, asking multiple questions regarding her comfort, the thermostat of the air conditioner, and the absence of food.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Tsubasa scratches the back of his head and only earns a harsh shove.

Misaki curses under her breath. "Tsubasa, we're here for Natsume."

(Natsume clicks his tongue and wants to direct his balled fist towards Tsubasa's face with that lovely bruise still beside his lips. He knows he can't.)

(After all, his arm would only go through whatever solid object he dares to touch, or punch, for that matter.)

"I brought your favorite mangas, Natsume. Mikan told me about them, and I thought that you'd like it if they were within your room."

(Mikan. Always Mikan. Everybody assumes that Natsume is undeniably in love with her - their classmates flash him their sets of pearly whites whenever he pulls the girl's pigtails without second thoughts. The teachers - Narumi, in particular - huff when he sets fire to Mikan's possessions, and they will always turn to the outside world and say, _ah, young love._)

(It satisfies him to know that they're all wrong.)

(If Natsume ever has so-called flaws, the desire to be constantly right is one of them.)

(Another one is having faith in Tsubasa Andou, of course.)

"Ruka's outside. He refuses to come in."

(Natsume only narrows his eyes. Ruka has never been one to endure seeing his friend in pain.)

"And Tsubasa...well, we're here now, aren't we?"

(_We_.)

(Natsume slams his knuckles against the wall, and all he can listen to is Tsubasa's sharp inhalation.)

(A portion of his arm disappears behind the mint green border.)

After a while, Misaki excuses herself from the room and attends to the injured students in the other quarters. Her doppelgängers can't seem to handle the heavy work in the hospital grounds.

It is only Tsubasa and Natsume in the room again.

(Swallowing the distaste forming on the edge of his tongue, Natsume looks both at Tsubasa and the unconscious boy that is him. Sometimes- no, always - he wishes that the heart monitor would just go damn silent because he doesn't need to stay here, as much as he wants to.)

(This - him, lying on the bed; Tsubasa, lying straight to his pale face - all of this makes him feel more dead than he already is.)

(Natsume walks over to Tsubasa and buries his pale head in the crook of the latter's neck. He's surprised when he finds that his figure doesn't sink in Tsubasa's shoulder.)

(Regardless of the circumstances, Tsubasa still thinks that only one Natsume is there - that is, the one trapped in the body that isn't and will never be moving again.)

"Natsume," he whispers.

(The boy with the said name closes his eyes and relishes in Tsubasa's warmth. He despises his given 'title', because it's his curse - but when Tsubasa says it, the name 'Natsume' bears a new meaning, and it is everything lovely and sinless and pure.)

(Not this time.)

Tsubasa clears his throat (Natsume can feel the vibrations) and entangles his hands with Natsume's. "I'll do everything just so you can wake up."

"Prove to me that you're Natsume Hyuuga, the bastard who sacrificed his life, who once burned my clothes, whom I believe to be the best person there is."

("But I can't. I'll never be able to.")

"Forget me not, Natsume. I'll always love you in every genuine way there is. I'll always remember - your goddamn crimson eyes and how I've always loved staring at them for hours and hours until I fall asleep because I feel safe with you. So wake up, Natsume. Get the hell out of that bed, be alive, and listen to me because I am throwing my pride away for you."

Tsubasa is already crying, gripping Natsume's fingers in desperation. His shoulders shake as sobs get the best of him.

"I love you, alright? And you'll be fine. Everything will be okay."

(Natsume knows that Tsubasa's hand makes its way to his pocket and tightens its hold on a picture of a certain pink-haired girl. Tsubasa's wiping his tears with his sleeve, and Natsume doesn't blink - he cherishes the momentary darkness before he takes his permanent leave.)

"Wake up, Natsume."

("How many lies did you tell today, Andou?")

(Natsume opens his eyes at the sound of the door creaking and Tsubasa's hurried footsteps.)

(He counts on his fingers - _one, two, ten, fourteen - _and realizes that he can't even answer his own question, not with his fingers slowly disappearing to nowhere. Tsubasa mumbles "I love you" one last time before he trudges to the exit and forgets to close the door.)

(The crimson-eyed boy follows him and takes the whole of Tsubasa's appearance in before he completely fades away. He notices that the tall Alice is now slumped to the floor with marks under his eyes and the photograph, clutched in his hand, over his heart.)

(And for the last time that Natsume will ever hear his voice, Tsubasa Andou tells the truth.)

"I hate you for this, Hyuuga. I hate you. I fucking hate you."

"For the rest of my life, I'll always hate you, Natsume Hyuuga."

(Just like old times, Natsume doesn't question him.)

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**end**

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**Note: **The parentheses were necessary, and I hope that they weren't much of a nuisance.


End file.
